Monday, July 9, 2012

Age is Just a Number

Or that is what I keep telling myself.

I am less than a month away from turning forty, and my feelings are all over the place. In some ways I am mourning my youth... And in some ways I am so thankful for the maturity, strength, clarity and wisdom gathered along the way.

My body has a mind of its own. It's not easy to lose weight anymore, no matter how hard I watch my diet. My energy level is down, and my skin is not as youthful as it was even a couple years ago. My hormones are on a roller coaster, and I'm not even close to menopause yet.

I get glimpses of seeing myself in the eyes of young people...and it surprises me to notice that they think I am old. I don't think that I've changed, but then I see my friends and notice the change in them. I guess I am looking at the mirror through my own denial..

I am a little bit disappointed with myself. Mostly because I don't feel that I have lived up to my full potential. It takes too much effort to do that! So I've been a bit lazy and scared to leave the comfort zone.

Age has made me realize that you cannot have everything. Life is full of compromises.

On the other hand, I do realize that I have achieved some wonderful things. I put myself through graduate school without taking loans, I have a good job in the financial industry, and most of all, three healthy, happy and intelligent daughters, and a happy marriage.

My life is certainly not over..just changing..hopefully for the better.

So what gives?

I don't know... I just know that I don't feel like celebrating my birthday.


  1. You are very brave to admit that you work in finance. Aren't you the people who ruined the world?

  2. yes, it has not been a fun field for the past few years. There are so many misconceptions.